honesty

Strangely enough, it was while I was driving home on a wet, dark night with a lonely radio that I realised. 

Sometimes it takes years to understand your own reactions - why your reflex to a shout is to cringe/flare/run, how to shield others from your own floods of emotions. Often those thoughts only come after hard thinking, acknowledgement of watery buried memories, and painful wounds.

How is it that gains gotten through such difficulty can end up so ill-used?
Having finally understood what is wrong, how could one yet refuse to make the choices to change?

And still it happens all the time.

Watching the lights flicker past, diffusing onto the wet asphalt highway, it’s pretty often that I find myself reflecting over recent situations resulting in heart-ache and pain as I drive home. Sometimes it’s the broken or neglected friendships; sometimes it’s the hateful words like bloody arrows, whose power you only recognise in the aftermath of misconstrued battle… 

Time travel isn’t an option. Living in the past is even more regrettable. And not to learn from the past is stupid. 

Growth… happens even though gravity exists. Deal with it - change is good if it’s upwards!

“Therefore, since we have such hope, we use great boldness of speech— unlike Moses, who put a veil over his face so that the children of Israel could not look steadily at the end of what was passing away. But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. 

Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.”
                  - (2 Corinthians 3:12-18)

Change. =)

you make me think

_{<!— Focus, unfocus. No, it’s still not clear - you need to readjust the lens.—>}

Have you ever played in a gushing river on a hot summer’s day? You splash and you laugh and yell, and sometimes you glance up to check that your parents are still there - that the tents are waiting for the starry, tired nights, and food attending the campfire for the energy lost now in momentary revelry. 

Suddenly, though, you realise that the current of the river has pulled you downstream into deeper, colder waters; further from familiarity, further from comfort of company. Sharply, reality readjusts your vision and you scramble up the pebbled riverbed towards safety.

But you know, that’s not what I’m thinking about.

Do you ever feel those moments of hyper-reality, where everything around you hushes in the realisation of a moment?

Once, in the middle of green-blue surf, fresh in the power of wind and waves, arms and belly and legs aching from paddling out to the greater calm - you need to match the velocity of the water to catch it.

Another time, driving solo down never-ending asphalt through countless towns of nameless people, passing untold stories and lives; or through backhills of the suburbs at a hundred kilometres per hour, watching a brilliant fiery sunset from the corner of the eye; or passing through the red desert plains with the dark blue dome deepening into night above - life is a journey meant to be explored.

But that’s not really what I’m thinking about.

It’s a tug-of-war that we are playing sometimes; a game designed to throw the other off balance so that one may be declared the victor.

Or you could say it’s a conversation of words and actions and emotions played behind the scenes, a drama largely unseen to anyone else.

But what have you dreamed of? In your quietest, most secret place in your heart - what do you believe could happen? Where do you want to go?

Sometimes it is our responsibility to keep our dreams on track… and realise where the wild current will hurl you in an incautious second. Will it dash you over the rocks of a waterfall? Will your Titanic hit an iceberg and sink from lack of foresight and insight?

So be careful where your imaginations lead you. It is far better to avert disaster and distraction, than to attempt repair of shattered remains.

_{“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
(Phil 4:6-8)}

are we there yet?

_{the journey is also the fight to the finish line…}

dear everyone, sorry for the long absence from tumblr-land.

I have no internet at my new place & may not have any for awhile yet - but - I promise you when I do get it, I have a billiontrillion ideas that I’ll post up around the place… and this won’t be a useless blog that you’re following, lol.

I’ve had exams, still have exams to finish and this year, when it’s over, will be such a relief - and a bit of a freefall too, I believe.

Ah well, pull your riding boots on and let’s go. Life can only get better from here, ey?

To infinity and beyond!