hope (live)

It was a quiet day, a morning of little import. The sun was streaming through the window, and outside the tender leaves of grass were green in the brittle cold of winter’s grasp. I stirred my foot to wind closer a warmer swirl of blanket.

Somewhere several kilometres away, you were probably awake and staring at the ceiling, painted bare white, shadowed by naked oak trees. Pots clattered in the kitchen; I imagine your mother’s voice asking if your sister is awake. No reply is given as you stare down the blank wall, like a game.

Is it dead to you, like the barest brown leaves from autumn’s fall? Is life stripped, less than pleasure, less than dreams?

I imagine you like a tiny ant body on a red maple leaf, drifting down the silver river current as the morning passes on. You present yourself like a lion full of pride, but inside you are like the compressed tea leaves my uncle brings from China - stuffed and forced with violence into a small, suffocating conformed shape.

Maybe you need the boiling water that inundates you now to become who you were made to be - maybe.

Sometimes I want to shelter you from the thunder and rain, but if I do that? All I have to use is my bare back; and I am hardly able to protect myself from the storms that lash you, let alone cover you.

So I watch from afar as our islands of existence drift further from my sight.

The worst thing about it - I observe as you pull harshly on the rough ropes of your boat, bringing you marginally closer. The tide begins going out. Further and further you drift; still the tide leaves and you stop heaving while the sweat is still on your brow. You watch me as I watch you as our train lines diverge, further and further away.

And I am helpless to stop it.

It was a quiet day, of little significance. The sky is blue, and white clouds scud across it, but all I can think is: Are you still alive?

_{keep hope alive in your heart.}

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
         And why are you disquieted within me?
         Hope in God;
         For I shall yet praise Him,
         The help of my countenance and my God. (Psalm 43:5)

Be of good courage,
         And He shall strengthen your heart,
         All you who hope in the LORD. (Psalm 31:24)

Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us,
         Just as we hope in You. (Psalm 33:22)

For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? (Romans 8:24)